How to Talk to Children and Teens About Serious Illness

Contributed by Dougy Center

When a family member faces advanced illness, what helps children and teens most is feeling safe and included. Honest, clear communication, regular check-ins, validation of their feelings, and plenty of chances to play can provide comfort and stability during such a difficult time.

Begin the Conversation

There’s rarely a “perfect” time. Children are perceptive and often sense when something is happening, so it’s usually best to begin the conversation sooner rather than later. Be sure to build in time for questions, clarification, and their reactions.

Be Clear and Honest

Be honest and give clear, accurate information. It can be helpful to use concrete language like “dying” and name the illness. Euphemisms such as “not getting better” or “passing on” can confuse children and leave them to fill in details on their own.

While avoiding euphemisms especially helps younger children, use language that reflects your culture and beliefs. If phrases like “passing away” feel right, be sure to explain them concretely.

“Grandpa has an illness called leukemia, and he won’t get better. That means his body will stop working.”

Help Children Make Sense of Illness

Children sometimes fear they caused a loved one’s illness or that they might “catch” it themselves. Gently reassure them this isn’t the case.

Create space for them to talk, listening without interrupting or minimizing. Let them know that all kinds of feelings are normal: sadness, fear, anger, even relief. Some kids may keep emotions more private, and that’s okay too.

When appropriate, share your own feelings. It shows them that expressing emotions is safe and human.

Keep the Conversation Going

Regular check-ins matter, even when there isn’t much new to share. Simple updates about the illness, treatments, or changes in daily routines can offer comfort and stability.

Make space for questions, and remember: it’s okay to say, “I don’t know.” Honest communication builds trust.

Provide Structure

When a family member has a serious illness, everything can feel unsure. Maintaining predictable routines around mornings, bedtime, school, and activities creates a sense of safety and stability.

Give Small Responsibilities

Simple, age-appropriate tasks like setting the table, doing laundry, or bringing water can help children feel useful and included.

Offer choices about how and whether children want to help.

Protect Time for Them to Be Kids

In times of change, children and teens need space to play, create, rest, and even have fun with friends.

These moments of normalcy help them connect with people and activities that give them breaks from the heaviness.

Advocate for Your Child

Check in with your child or teen to plan who else in their community should know and how those adults can support them.

Talk with your child before sharing information with teachers, coaches, or others.

Need Help Talking to a Child About Serious Illness?

Dougy Center provides grief support in a safe place where children, teens, young adults, and their families can share their experiences before and after a death.

They provide support and training locally, nationally, and internationally to individuals and organizations seeking to assist children who are grieving.

For information and resources, visit dougy.org.