Lessons of Love and Gratitude at the End of Life

My mom wasn’t supposed to have a massive stroke at age 65.

She appeared to be a pillar of good health. She was active, ate well, didn’t drink alcohol and didn’t smoke. But we didn’t take her dangerously high blood pressure seriously enough.

Almost 19 years later, she now has advanced Parkinson’s disease, which was diagnosed about 10 years ago. My family and I have been through a roller coaster of emotions during all these years of caregiving and making sure Mom’s needs were met.

In spring 2019, Mom was diagnosed with a uterine tumor. The only way to biopsy or remove it was through surgery, but she was ultimately deemed too weak to undergo anesthesia.

Mom decided that we would not pursue anything further and would let nature take its course.

Watching her body revolt against her over the years has been difficult. Yet she never complains.

Now that her life is coming to an end, our family feels both relief and deep sadness, along with a firm resolve to ensure that these final months are filled with love and comfort.

She is ready.

We are ready, as ready as we can be.

I recently asked her whom she would like to see first in the afterlife.

“My mother,” she responded.

Mom lost her mother when she was 10 years old. She is now 84.

Mom and I have always spoken openly about the end of life. We have no control over when or ultimately how she will die, but because she has expressed her wishes, we can honor them as a family.

We have a road map, and there is immense comfort in that.

My experience as a caregiver over the past 19 years inspired me to start Modern Aging, a website that encourages us to rethink how we age and care for one another.

Modern Aging is also how I was introduced to End Well and met Shoshana Ungerleider. Our conversation reinforced my belief in the importance of overcoming our fear of discussing end-of-life issues.

We have so much to gain from having these essential conversations with the people we love.

My teenage daughter and I have already spoken many times about the end of life. I don’t want her to fear one of life’s most important stages.

We can feel sadness, but we can also experience joy, comfort and immense gratitude.